Happy Summer's Day

Kamar se usse pakdo....
or ghar le jao.
Uski grdan pakad k apne karib lao.
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Uske muh pe apne hont lagao!
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or
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Sari "COCA-COLA" pi jao....
tongue emoticon

Policewala apne bache se

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Beta tumhara result Achcha Nhi Aya
Aaj Se Tumhara Khelna T.V Dekhna Band......
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Bacha:Ye 50Rs Pakdo or
Is Bat Ko Yahi daba do...

True

Wikipedia : " I know everything "

Google : " I have everything "

Facebook : " I know everybody "

Internet : " without me u r no body "
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Electricity : " Awaaz Niche " . 

Ek Pyara Sach !!

"Jo Insaan Har Waqt
Sabki Khushi Chahta hai, Sabke Bare
Me Achha Sochta hai, Sabki Care
Karta hai"
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Wohi Insaan..
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Zindagi Me Hamesha Akela
Reh Jata hai.....

A girl's need

Ek ladki kya chahti hai?

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Bas 2 waqt ke compliment . . . . 

Dialog by a boy in Love

"Usey paane ke liye mai bhagwan se bhi
lad sakta hun..

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Par fir maine socha:
"Exam ka time hai bhagwan se panga
lena theek nahi . . . .
..

Romantic line of SMALL kid after breakup... tongue emotico

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Me tumhe bulne ki bahut kochich
kalta hu
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pal kya kalu
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Mummy loz BADAM khila deti he
aul tumali yaad fil aa jaati hai . . . .

True

Boy to Girl

Boy: I wanna tell u something . . . . .

Girl: Its not good to talk while eating . . . . 

(AFTER EATING)

Girl: Now tell me . . .
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Boy: There was a cockroach in your food . . . .

A Father Took His Son To A Village To Teach About Poverty !!

After The Trip He Asked His Son About The Poor. . . .

Son Replied:

We've 1 Dog, Villagers Had 4,

We've Small Pool, They've Long River,

We've Lamps, They've Stars

We've Small Piece Of Land, They've Large Fields

We've Servants 2 Serve Us, They Serve Others

We Buy Food, They Grow Their Food

We've House To Protect Us, They have Friends

The Boy's Father Was Speechless.

Then His Son Said: "Thanks For Showing How Poor We Are."

Must Read !!

What Is The Fastest Thing We Type? ? ? ?

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"OUR PASSWORD"

Awesome lines by Sir APJ KALAM

Sometimes it is better to bunk a class

& do masti with friends

because today when I look back

Marks never make me laugh but memories do. . . . .

SCHOOL MEMORIES !!!

Student Ki Notebook Ke Last
Pagepe Kya Milega???

1. ) Love % Check Krne Wala
Game

2. ) Pen Ko Chalane Ke Liye
Nikali Gayi Ink

3. ) Silent Class Mein Baat
Karne KeLiye Likhi Gayi Batein

4. ) Exams K Liye Importants

5. ) Test Ki Dates

6. ) Cross Vs Zero Game

7. ) Dost Ne Likha Hua Crush Ka
Name Aur Us Pe Pen Se Itna
Ghisa Hua Ki Koi Padh Na le

8. ) Apna Sign With Different
styles

9.) apne frnds ko chidane k
liye bnaye gye cartoons.....

Bikhari to dadiji

Bhikari - Amma Roti do

Dadiji - Abhi roti banayi nahi hai, baad mein aana

Bhikari - Yeh mera phone number hai, Jab ready ho jaye mujhe miss call de do

Bhikari Rocks, Dadi Shocked!! Joke doesn't end here

Dadiji- Arey mere pass balance nahi hai, Fb par status update kar dungi woh dekh kar aajana!

Bhikari shocked, Dadiji rocked!!!

Bhikari - Light ka bharosa nahi hota, Jakar Laptop charge kar lo!!

Bhikari again rocked and dadi died because of shock!

True

Crush better than relation

Crushes are more beautiful than affairs

because there is no responsibility, no worry,

no commitment. Just look at your crush and smile like an idiot . . . .

Mother India

If Throwing Chappal was an Olympic Game, Indian Mothers would Win a Gold Medal everytime...

SAD Shayari

Aaj hum roye tanha unko bhulane ke liye,

tmaam yaad hai unki hume rulane ke liye,

unki yaadon ko mitane ka jariya na mila,

humne khud ko mitaya unki yaadon ko mitane ke liye,,,,,,

HE & SHE

She - Me tumhe LIKE karti hun..

He - Per me toh LIKE  k saath COMMENT bhi krta hun

*BLOCKED*

"BEST" Alia bhatt & Rahul gandhi

Alia Bhatt :-Agar tu bata de ki meri Tokri me kya hai. toh tokri k aadhe Ande tere.

Aur ye bhi batade ki Ande Kitne hai to 10 k 10 Tere.

Aur agar ye Bhi bata de ki Ande Kiske hai to ande dene wali Murgi bhi teri.

Rahul Gandhi :- Arey yaar ... Lekin koi HINT TO De De 

Beti apni Maa se

Beti-Mom,
he's just A friend!

Maa-humne duniya dekhi hai beta!!!
2 litre PETROL jalaake ghar aanewala just friend nahi hota!

IIN Doctor

During a heart transplant.

Doctor: $h!t

Nurse: what happened.

D: My mobile network is gone.

N: So?

D: I don't know what to do next.

N: Why.

D: I'm from IIN.

Nurse behosh...

Sweet Answer by Child in School

Teacher: What is your mother’s name? .
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Kid: Kabhi naam nahi puchha,
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Bas , pyar se MAA kehta hu..
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How many likes for this
word "MAA"

true

Teacher to kids

Teacher: "Kids,
What Does The Chicken Give You?"
Student: "Meat!
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"Teacher: "Very Good!
Now What Does The Pig Give You?"
Student: "Bacon!
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"Teacher: "Great!
And What Does The Fat Cow Give You?
"Student: "Homework!"

cinemahall

Ek budiya cinema hall me cold drink ki bottle leke baithi thi,
Kabhi 15 mint me ghunt leti to kabhi 20 mint me,
Pass bethe sardar ko gussa aa gaya,
usne botal uthai aur puri ek ghut me pi gaya aur bola:-Aise pi jata he cold drink.
Budhiya boli:Beta me to pan ki pichkari thuk rahi thi..!!@

Call from Marriage Bureau:

Riste k liye 1,
Mangni k liye 2,
Shadi k liye 3 dabye"

Sardar: Dusri shadi k liye kya Dabau?
Awaz aai: Pehle wali ka Gala.

Santa to Doctor

Doctor:which soap u use?
santa: Bajrang soap,bajrang paste,Bajrang brush.
Dr.Is Bajrang an international company?
santa: No bajrang is my room Partner..

santa talk to teacher

Techr: Tum late kyo aaye ho?
Santa: Mumy papa lad rhe the..
Techr: wo lad rhe the to tum kyo late aaye?
santa=mera 1 juta maumy k pass or Dusra papa k paas tha!..

Life

tumari fikar hai muje
       koi shaq nahi...

  tumhe koi or dekhe
  ye kisi ko haq nahi

#AJ

3 stages of girls

- birth
- "Mai kaisi lag rahi hun"
- death..

Ladki- Ladka

Ladki- Meri mummy ko tum bahut pasand aaye ho.. glasses emoticon
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Boy (sharmate hue)- Kuchh bhi ho,
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mai shadi tumse hi karunga, Aunty se kehna mujhe bhool jaye.. devil emoticon
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She : ! Bhagg.!! ja yaha se :/. 

CLASSIC INSULT !!

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Mere pass Facebook hai,
BBM Hai, Twitter hai,
WhatsApp hai
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tumhare pas kya hai..? glasses emoticon
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Smart ans by Employee : Mere paas
"Aur bhi kaam hain"

Biscuit ka Love-Letter

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Dear Marie,
today is good day,
U have krack-jacked my little heart,
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Now i am in 50-50 Position,
Piz don't play hide & seek,
------------------------------->
Tumhara Tiger 

Girl with unknown boy

Ladka: Tumhaara naam kya hai?

Ladki: Kyun bataun? Main tumhe jaanti tak nahin.

Ladka: Theek hai, mat batao, main kaun sa tumhe apni BMW mein bitha raha hun.

Ladki: Mein Sheila hun, B.Com second year mein padti hun. Saamne waali gali mein seedhe haath ki tarf chauthe number pe ghar hai mera - House number 322B top floor. Ghar mein mummy, papa aur ek chota brother hai. Aur haan, shaam ko 6-8 baje tak tution jaati hun.

Ladka: Ok, thanks, jis din BMW lunga us din zaroor bithaunga.

Students and their fav songs

SCHOOL: Apni toh paatshala, masti ki pathshala... TUTION: Idhar chala main udhar chala, jaane kahaan main kidhar chalaa... MATHS: Ajeeb dastan hai yeh, kahan shuru khana khatgam... SCIENCE: Aa khusi se kudkushi karle... GEOGRAPHY: Musafir hoon main yaaro, na ghar hai na thikaana... ECONOMICS: Kyu paisa paisa karti hai, paise pe kyu tu marti hai.... EXAM: Zehrelein raatey ninde udd jati hai... RESULT: Jiya dhadak dhadak jaye, Jiya dhadak dhadak jaye... PASS: Aaj mai upar asman niche, aaj mai aage jamana hai pichhe... FAIL: Jag suna suna lage...

Santa gets Threat Calls

Santa Police station ja kar kehta hai: Inspector saab, mujhe ek FIR likhwaani hai.

Inspector: Kaun ho tum, kya hua, aur kiske khilaaf FIR karwaani hai?

Santa: Mujhe phone par jaan se marne ki dhamki mil rahi hai.

Inspector: Kaun de raha hai dhamkiyaan tumko, aur kya bol raha hai?

Santa: BSNL wale, kehte hai bill nahi bhara to kaat denge...!

Agar main Bill Gates hota

Ek teacher kaha ki 'AGAR MAI BILL GATES HOTA' par essay likho. Saare students likhne lag gaye. Teacher ne dekha ki sab likh rahe hain but apna Pappu sirf smile kar raha tha, yahan vahan dekh rajah tha lekin likh nahin raha tha. Teacher: Pappu, tum kyu nai likh rahey? Pappu: Madam ji, main apni seceretry ka intzaar kar raha hun. This is attitude...

Shaddi k 7 sukh !!

1. Subaah subaah garam paani milega..... Bartan dhone ke liye. 2. Pyaare pyaare bachche milenge..... Aapko gadha Banaane ke liye. 3. Har roz biwi aapse pyar se nolegi..... Ration laane ke liye. 4. Biwi aapke baahon me baahein daalegi..... Kharcha paani ke liye. 5. Aap gaana gaana shuru kar doge..... Bachchon ko sulaane ke liye. 6. Wo roz taiyaar hokar saamne aayegi..... Shopping jaane ke liye. 7. Aapko bhi whiskey ka mazaa ayegaa..... Kuch der gum bhulaane ke liye. NO LIFE WITHOUT WIFE

I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

On the New Year eve I was sitting with my wife on the deck, enjoying a glass of wine.

I said, "I love you so much, I could not live without you."

My wife said, "Is that you or the wine talking?"

I said, "It's me talking to the wine."

Students classification by age groups:

1st to 3rd class: Hey! I studied everything for exam.

4th to 6th class: Hey! That question was very hard so I leave only that question.

7th to 10th class: Hey! Read only important questions.

11th class: I think 4 chapters are enough to get pass.

12th class: Kal exam kaun sa hai yaar?

And in college: Abey kaminon, bata toh dete aaj exam hai, main toh pen bhi nahi laya.

HOW TO MAKE A MAN/WOMAN HAPPY ?

How to Make a man happy:
1. Feed him.
2. Sleep with him.
3. Leave him with peace.
4. Don't check his phone (Msgs).
5. Don't bother him with his movements.
So whats so hard about that?

How to make a woman happy:
It's really not too difficult but.... To make a woman happy, a man only needsto be:
1. A friend
2. A companion
3. A lover
4. A brother
5. A father
6. A master
7. A chef.
8. An electrician.
9. A plumber.
10. A mechanic.
11. A carpenter.
12. A decorator.
13. A stylist.
14. A sexologist.
15. A gynecologist.
16. A psychologist.
17. A pest exterminator.
18. A psychiatrist.
19. A healer.
20. A good listener.
21. An organizer.
22. A good father.
23. Very clean.
24. Sympathetic.
25. Sthletic.
26. Warm.
27. Attentive.
28. Gallant.
29. Intelligent.
30. Funny.
31. Creative.
32. Tender.
33. Strong.
34. Understanding.
35. Tolerant.
36. Pprudent.
37. Ambitious.
38. Capable.
39. Courageous.
40. Determined.
41. True.
42. Dependable.
43. Passionate.
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
44. Give her compliments regularly.
45. Go shopping with her.
46. Be honest.
47. Be very rich.
48. Not stress her out.
49. Not look at other girls.
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
50. Give her lots of attention.
51. Give her lots of time, especially time for herself.
52. Give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes..
BUT MOST OF ALL IT IS VERY IMPORTANT
53. Never forget Birthdays, anniversaries and Valentine arrangements she makes.

Kaisa hona chaiye !!

Ladka Handsome hona chahiye,
Smart to Phone bhi hote hain.

Phone to iPhone hona chahiye,
S1, S2, S3 to Train ke Dibbe bhi hote hain.

Insaan ka dil Bada hona chahiye,
Chhota to Bheem bhi hai.

Aadmi ko Samjhdar hona chahiye,
Sensitive to Toothpaste bhi hota hai.

Teacher jyada Number dene wala hona chahiye,
Andaa to Murgi bhi deti hai.

Yuva Rashtrawadi Hone chahiye,
Cool to Navratna Oil bhi hai.

Rashtrapati Kalaam Hona Chahiye,
Mukherjee to Rani bhi hai.
v Bathroom mein Hair Dryer Hona chahiye,
Towel to Sreesanth ke paas bhi hai.

Ladki mein Akal honi chahiye,
Surat to Gujrat mein bhi hai.

Mobile General mode par hona chahiye,
Silent to Manmohan Singh bhi hain.

Seb meetha hona chahiye,
Lal to Advani bhi hain.

Ladka Dravid jaisa hone chahiye,
Rahul to Gandhi bhi hai.

Ghumna to Hill Station par chahiye,
Goa to Pan masala bhi hai.

Reply dhang ka hona chahiye,
'Hmmmmmmm.' to bhains bhi kar leti hai.

Alia bhatt Trolls

Interviewer: Alia, according to you, which is the best team in IPL 7 so far? Alia Bhatt: Sunrisers Hyderabad because all have orange caps. Deepika: Will you come to see my Chennai Express? Alia: No! IRCTC site is not working. Alia Bhatt is so dumb that she thought Pani Puri, Sev Puri are all relatives of Amrish Puri. Chetan Bhagat: What's the opposite of IIT? Alia: U UCoffee. Arnab: What's the first name of Modi? Alia: Abki Baar. Aamirv Khan: How did India get Indipendence? Alia: When you hit a six against England. Mahesh Bhaat: Vote dene chalein? Alia Bhaat: Papa aap miss call karke bhi vote de sakthe hain, maine kal DID mein dekha tha...!!! Einstein says: Be friends with Alia Bhatt and feel like a genius all the time! Scene: Alia Bhatt on KBC Q. Alia, which of the following is the largest? A. A Peanut B. An Elephant C. The Moon D. A Kettle Alia: It's B. An Elephant... Alia Bhatt in Arnab Goswami's studio Arnab Goswami: Alia, Who will win the elections? Alia: Aam aadmi party because its 'aam' ka season. Scene: Alia Bhatt on Koffee With Karan. Karan: Alia, who was the first person to climb Mount Everest? Alia: Simple, the person who made it. Scene: Boman Irani asks Alia Boman: Alia do you know MS office? Alia: If you tell me the address I ll know. Scene: Alia Bhatt on Koffee With Karan (rapid fire) Karan: Alia which food do you love the most? Alia: Desi. Karan: And which dish? Alia: Pasta.

Pakka hua Aam {Mango}

Do ladies ek aam ke ped neeche baith kar kaafi der se baatein kar rahi thi.

Tabhi achanak ped se ek aam neeche gira.

Pehli lady: Arrey... ye aam apne aap kaise gir gaya?

Is se pehle ki second lady kuch bolti, Aam khud haath jod kar bol pada: Behan ji itni der se aapki baatein sun sun kr mein pak gaya hun.

STOP BARKING !!

Pati Patni Ki Ladayi Ho Rahi Thi.

Pati Ne Patni Se Puchha: Kya Tumne Mujhe Kutta Kaha???

Biwi Ne Koi Jawab Nahi Diya.

Pati Ne Fir Se Puchha: Kya Tumne Mujhe Kutta Kaha???

Biwi Fir Chupp Rahi.

Pati Ne Ek Baar Aur Puchha: Main Tumse Kuch Puch Raha Hun. Kya Tumne Mujhe Kutta Kaha???

Biwi: Nahi Kaha Aur Please Ab Bhaunkna Band Karo.